tears in my eyes

My mom is doing a segment on the radio. its about selling some land that has been in her family for damn near a hundred years.

She got to interview all us kids and her mom and dad and sisters and brothers...

It really brought out some tramatic stuff..

I never really knew much about my moms childhood. I knew that she got to ride horses, and go to camp and all thoes things kids do....but i never knew any of the real stuff.

i

I never knew about the abuse she sufered. bout her moms temper. i still dont know much

but she had a real shitty child hood.

it showed up a bit in mine. her temper. if she got really mad i got really scared. not that she would beat us or anything. she general stayed away from that. she was just scary.

i just got finished reading the rough draft of her radio spot. i kept it together till the last two paragraphs....then i started crying.

i still am

i wish i had known when i was younger. so i could have understood better.

i see that temper in myself now. i can flare up without warning at little things. i am working on it but it sneaks up on me.

this morning i was reading an artical online when my fiance called to me. she was standing about seven feet Away, she wanted attention. i know better, but i flared up like, "How dare she try to pull me away from this. cant she see im busy!" i got mad and snapped at her. all she wanted was a hug, a kiss. a smile.

She found this site the other day
http://raysweb.net/poems/articles/tannen.html

i recomend getting out a pen and paper and writing down in your own words what it says here. think of times when these applied to you.

back to the land though....

mom, i love you, i love all you faults and all your inperfections. you were...are a good mother. i cant ask for more.